Forced Changes

I seem to lose friends in fazes. I was dealing with it fine until recently. Now, the few friends I have I do not really want to spend time with. I guess I am just tired of people using me to their convenience. The few people that don't, well, they seem to be leaving. Tony is moving to Washington or something like that with some girl he says he has met. Christina is, well, Christina, I can not say much on that. Kandyn does not really visit me at all anymore. Matt works all the time. Mike is always busy. I know some cool guys from Wal~Mart, but I do not want to make this change. I like having a lot of friends. I think having morals and being a nice guy has hurt me in the long run. I went to a party last night, it was pretty fun. I am not even really excited about this business trip and my promotion. I should have known my life was meant for struggle when even going to college ended up being a bad decision. Penalized for wanting to better myself. I almost want to sell my car, quit my job, and just buy a cheap vehicle to live in and drive around the US or join some cage fighting circuit. I just want some direction, God. Actually, I would rather some hope. I am not even depressed. I just do not care for working hard, being a nice guy, not killing people for breaking my things, taking care of my body, and giving myself away for nothing. It makes me feel insignificant. Love. What is it? I used to believe in it, but the more I meet people, love is someone who will do for you. Love is that person who will give you their all. I do not think I want that if that is what love is. I just wanted someone I could talk to, have fun with, hold, and enjoy life with without all the drama. I guess I just want happiness is all, or at least an opportunity to earn happiness.